The phone conversation, I imagine, will go something like this.
“Hello, Blessed Event Florist, how may I help you?”
“Hi Susan, it’s John. I need to order some flowers for Sarah’s daughter.”
“Oh, hi Mr. McCain, I heard. That’s terrific news.”
“Not exactly the word I would use to describe it.”
“What do you mean? A baby on the way is always terrific news, Mr. M, don’t you think?”
“Of course, but she’s only 17 and she’s not even married.”
“Yah, but Mrs. P says the kids are going to be married and that the family will stick together and support them through this.”
“Sure, that’s a relief. But I worry about how this may all play out on the campaign trail.”
“Don’t you worry one bit Mr. M. Even Mr. Obama says it’s off limits, and that how families deal with issues and teenage children should not be the topic of our politics.”
“Right, this is a private matter.”
“Bingo, Mr. M, like the Cheneys. When their daughter had a baby I got hundreds of orders for flowers from politicians, but then they all canceled.”
“Really? Because it was a private matter?”
“No, not married.”
“Well it’s not the politicians or liberals I’m worried about. It’s the holy rollers.”
“Really, I thought you made your peace with them.”
“I did, but what if this blows up?”
“Not a chance, Mr. M. I know for a fact that those fellows practice what they preach. Like Mr. Dobson. He says the Palins should be commended for not just talking about pro-life, pro-family values, but living them out, even in the midst of trying circumstances.”
“Dobson said that.”
“He did. And Tony Perkins over at the Family Research Council praised the Palins for choosing life, and promised to continue the effort to reduce teen pregnancy by encouraging youngsters to practice abstinence.”
“You know I support abstinence. I told John Brody over at the Christian Broadcasting Network that the only correct policy for educating young kids is to promote abstinence.”
“Jamie Lynn’s mom, Mrs. Spears, says the same thing.”
“Right. Any parent knows that ambiguity and equivocation lead to problems when it comes to teaching children right from wrong.”
“I totally agree, Mr. M. You know, Mr. Dobson said it best. All this ‘really means is that Mrs. Palin’s daughter and her family are human.”
“That’s right, Susan. People make mistakes, and that’s when family and friends really need to unite in support of them. This is nothing to be ashamed about.”
“No sir, Mr. M. It really is a blessed event. Sorry to cut this short, but I have another phone call. Good luck, Mr. M.”
“Thanks Susan.”
“Blessed Event Florist, how may I help you? (Pause.) Reverend Haggard, it’s been ages!”
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Michael
Very funny!